How To Be a Great Soccer Mom or Dad

By Ann Lindemann

(Ann Lindemann's article originally appeared in Tahoe Quarterly magazine)


Teetering on folding lawn chairs with jugs of cold Gatorade at the ready, loving parents nationwide enthusiastically cheer on their offspring at organized youth sports events.

However, this wholesome parental rite of passage can turn sour when these eager cheerleaders' behavior turns from good-natured encouragement to high-pressure interference and sometimes rage toward athletes, coaches and officials. To this end, AYSO has a zero tolerenance agreement, which is signed by parents upon registration.

Still, there is a need for parents everywhere to rein in their emotions when it comes to involvement in organized youth sports, said Rick Wolff, chairman of the web-based Center for Sports Parenting and author of Good Sports: The Concerned Parents' Guide to Competitive Sports.

"As a parent, if your own mood begins to go through various swings because your kid didn't play well, it's a good indication that you are pushing too much," Wolff said in a telephone interview. "In the end, it is the child who loses out. Wolff says 75 percent of children involved in organized group sports quit by the age of 13 - a statistic he attributes largely to excessive parental pressure."

Linda Adams is a mother of four and Truckee soccer-mom-extraordinaire who has seen her share of parental pressure on and off the playing field. "At all training courses they say the number one reason kids quit is that the parent or coach is putting too much pressure on them," said Adams, who served as the AYSO's child and volunteer protection advocate for the Truckee region. "It's OK to scream and yell: 'go Johnny go!' It's not OK to scream: 'Johnny, what are you doing?! You're supposed to be listening your coach!' People don't realize what message they are sending to their kids when they scream at coaches and refs. It creates a lack of respect for authority figures."

Wolff says that parents have a "tacit agreement" with coaches to do what is best for their child. He cautioned parents to not make a scene at the game, or right after. "Wait 24 hours," he said, "and then in a very civil and calm manner talk to the coach about your child. It's the same thing as in a school situation; if your child wasn't doing well in science or math class you wouldn't go in during class and confront the teacher."

Parents should concentrate less on the results and more on the process, said Jerry May, Ph.D., a professor at the University of Nevada, Reno and a psychologist specializing in sports psychology who advises the United States Olympic Committee. "Parents need to realize that it's not their role to be the coach," he said. "When a child comes home from the event, inevitably the first question is, 'Did you win?' parents should be more concerned about the process of learning rather than the score." He said when parents push too hard, the child will feel that their love is conditional - based on performance - and his self-esteem will suffer.

"Your kids don't get into sports to win or lose," he explained. "They are there to have fun and be with their friends."

Wolff agreed and cautioned parents to avoid the post-game analysis, or PGA. "A lot of parents - and these aren't evil people, they are well-meaning - conduct the PGA when they get back into the family mini-van. The mother or father grills the kid on what he or she did wrong during the game. Kids immediately chafe on this. They don't want to be graded. Instead, just make sure that they had fun and they're happy - forget the analysis."

Jon Joubert, North Tahoe AYSO commissioner, coach and a father of two enthusiastic soccer playing daughters, said he advises parents to say just three things to their child after a game. "Those three things are: good game; looks like you had fun out there and - importantly -- what do you want to eat?"

For more info on sports parenting issues, visit these web sites:
www.soccer.org
www.sportsparenting.org
nays.org (National Alliance for Youth Sports)


The AYSO Parent Pledge

1. Attend and participate in team parent meetings
2. Be on time or early when dropping off of picking up my child for a practice or game
3. Ensure my child is supported and encouraged by family or loved ones at games.
4. Encourage my child to have fun and keep sport in it's proper perspective.
5. Define winning for my child as doing his or her very best.
6. Endeavor to learn the rules of soccer and support the efforts of referees.
7. Honor the game and show respect for all involved including coaches
8. Applaud and encourage players form both teams and not yell out instructions.
9. Not make negative comments about the fame, coaches, referees, or players in my child's presence.
10. Encourage others to refrain from negative or abusive sideline behavior.




Please send us an e-mail to info@northtahoesoccer.org or call us at 583-PLAY if you have any questions.